Happy First Peg-o-versary!

Well here it is, one year to the day we pulled up our rental van to a rental house.  We celebrated by ordering Vietnamese noodles, packing some other goodies and heading to Assiniboine Park for a picnic S could join after work.  Much better than the cheap pizza and pop after the U-Haul was emptied last year.  Was a far more relaxing evening!

We had A's new friend from church join us, which made it even more fun.  A and I had spent the afternoon with Gabriella and her family yesterday at the Forks.  My camera was in the bike trailer, so A had some fun shooting photos in there (once again filling up my memory card!) as we rode home all together.  Most of the shots were of my tail end, though you can see Esther's great longtail cargo bike - the only one I've yet seen in Winnipeg.  I think it'd be perfect for hauling all three kids around, or for getting groceries if I could trust my little two not to scrap and endanger themselves on the back.

Sadly, they move to Haiti next week.  It's always hard to see a friend go - especially one from a multi-racial adoptive family, as they're not so easy to come across.  I'm bummed to lose a new friend, too.  Especially as I spent yesterday morning help pack up another friend's moving van. Will and Jennifer  bought a farm an hour and half away, so we'll visit their big farm house sometime, which should be a treat.

Anyway, about this anniversary.

It's hard to believe how quickly the time has gone, it's been such a busy year.  On hindsight, I'm surprised at the energy that goes into transitions - getting to know about a new place (a province, a city, a neighbourhood), getting to know what's in a new place (where to find things, where to buy things and such).  The toughest part in this category has been to find a family doctor - or even just one for me!  It's discouraging when friends who've lived here for years still don't have one, or at least one that they like.  Right now we're back to square one of looking.  The doctor we'd started to drop-in on this year happened to drop the ball on four different referrals, proved to be quite rude and was usually more than forty-five minutes late.  And it's bad when at ER, the nurse passionately motions a chopping-off-of-the-neck sign when she asked who our doctor is.  "I can say no more, but get a new doctor!"   So he's clearly no longer a go.  The very young one I checked out last week, newly into a practice and newly arrived in Winnipeg is also a no-go.  She admitted to not having any local connections and didn't know two valid medical terms I referred to.  I think we need some one with a bit more experience at this point.

Then there are the personal aspects of making a social network for oneself.  It's the first time in my church-going/whole life, that I've had to actually "church shop."  By far, it was my least favourite thing to do.  Often I had to do it alone, as S was traveling so much.  Usually our kids treated it as party-time, excited at a new venue to run around in.  Various people we know felt slighted by us when we didn't return more than twice to their congregation, and a few felt slighted that we never even tried their church.  While there were aspects I liked about all I visited, not one felt just right (or had a schedule that could work for us.  We simply can't go at 7:30 Sunday night, etc.  We've settled on one at last, but I'm thinking it'll take a long time to feel in the know on people and life there, even longer to get used to a more formal worship style.   Growing up as a PK, then working as Admin Assistant in a church before moving on to be "the Pastor's wife" . . . well, I'd always had a place automatically carved out for me.  So the bonus is that I now get to experience what many people experience when entering a new church community -  the weird sense of not belonging.  Now that we're actually around on Sundays, though, things should slowly improve in this department . . .

In other ways,  I've found building a social network here to be interesting.  For me, much of my support still comes from family and good friends via phone.  And I hope it always will (come from those loved ones, if not via the phone).  It's so good to have people who know and understand me and to be able to reciprocate that understanding and care, especially when I've felt too tired to extend much energy toward "dating" new friends.  That's what it's like in so many ways as an adult.  The rules of intentionally hanging out are similar:  don't come across as too needy, first impressions count, don't share too much personal info too soon before you know there's interest, etc. . .  Friendship always seems to have an aspect of mutual need, but its certainly strange to me that my need for friendship has been driven, in large part, by those of my children.  Not having any family nearby, no one to really fill out even as Emergency Contacts when A started school last year, it drove me to make sure we had people to fall back on if the need arose.  Fortunately, I "bumped into" some really great women and so I feel we can be "caught" if something does happen.  But it's not fulfilling to think those friendships were made for that underlying purpose!

That said, I have days I feel good about where we live and the connections we've been able to make over a year's time.  But there are days my feelings aren't so positive.

"We have such a small support base!"
"Nobody here really knows me."
"I'm too tired to put any energy into going out and being with new friends"
"I just want time to actually talk to or be with ______  (the mom), not the kids."
"I'll NEVER belong here!"
"I don't like not knowing anything about ______'s family, her siblings, her past life experience.  All I know is what I get to squeeze out at interrupted play dates . . . "

But overall, those moments are tucked between pretty good ones, are kept at bay by the fact that good friendships take time (and that mothers of young children don't have a lot of that), and also of my expectation that I for sure wouldn't have any "real" friends till after two years of being here (if even then).  Maybe my expectations are too low, but the measure helps me realize how blessed I've been in our relatively short time here.  And the thing is, most of us can feel those things even if we stay in the same town surrounded by the same loved ones.  Feelings of dissatisfaction can find us wherever we are and relationships do change . . .

So while we are still "outsiders" on many levels, it's good to stop and consider that last year, no one knew us or had any need for us whatsoever.  This year, they've adjusted their lives a little bit to make space to fit us in.  That's more than we could ask of others who have no family or past-connection obligations.  It's a reminder that all of the friendships one is blessed with are such gifts.

So Happy Peg-o-versary to me.  I look forward to having more . . .