A "No Yelling" Day

I was reminded of my Mom a few weeks ago when Iz came into my room one morning, stood at my bedside and cheerily said, "Hi Mommy.  Today is a YES day!"  I heard my Mom within her words - from all the times she tried to direct strong-willed me as a child, to hearing her attempts to do the same with my younger two who can show similar oppositional-defiant tendencies.  "You don't need to say 'no.'  You can choose to say yes.  Today is a 'yes' day!"  I've obviously incorporated some of her phrases, which gave me an inward smile to match the one cute Iz brought on the outside.

This morning's declaration by me was "Let's make today special.  Let's make it a no yelling day!"  It wasn't an idea modelled by my mother, however.  My parents never or rarely raised their voices and if my memory is correct, rarely did us kids, either.  We were the silent fighters who'd go to our rooms and shut the door instead.  My little family, however, is far more vocal and even on good days, yells of "Well you're poo-poo!" or quiet jabs of "stinky" or "smelly" (or any other childish description) get slung from kid to kid (or from kid to parent).  Every day should be a no yelling day, but my "special day" brain wave was born out of a shut-in week due to the long spell of cold weather we've had.  We've been trapped inside far more than we'd like, with wind chill warnings in effect.  Apparently exposed skin can get frost bite in these conditions within ten minutes.

Often what I suggest seems to go in one ear, out the other.  But around lunch time when Ai and Iz were acting up, I started to raise my voice.  And suddenly, they reminded me: "Mommy, we're not yelling today!"  It's hard to explain that raising a voice isn't quite the same as the kind of scrapping they do, that the special day was more for them!  (Though I definitely need the reminder.  I didn't inherit my Mom's calm nature and 'raise my voice' a little more than I'd like!) But all the same, the suggestion kind of worked.  A little reminder hear and there about 'no yelling' redirected them much of the day (though not while I was on the phone with my sister!).  I was delighted to find them playing happily on the couch for a good while, Ai's arms wrapped around his little sister.  Not that they'd let me take any good photos, but it was sweet all the same.

I'm sure the idea won't last long but with cool weather continuing into the foreseeable future, it'd be nice if I can pull out a few more positive tricks.  It's a blessing to have had positive parenting modelled by our own parents and we can only hope we can provide good strategies for our own children in the future.  (Or else they'll have to marry fiery, verbal partners who can keep up to their tirades?  Or really mellow ones to balance them out? )  This parenting journey certainly is lovely, but humbling.

ps - I don't know if you can tell, but the weather has been hard on Iz's skin.  Two days ago her cheeks suddenly became constantly red and bumpy with eczema (after her swimming lesson, thanks to the chlorine).   She had a reaction last night to a lotion we put on and woke up with a swollen face.  She looks adorable - perhaps more Inuit than Nuu chah nulth, but  oh, her poor face. :(  It's a good thing she's a tough cookie, as it looks so sore!  The bonus of the cold is that I don't have to remember to turn down the thermostat at night.  The furnace has been on non-stop for days, not able to get above 16 C - usually reaching 14 C.  But I remember my Dad's stories of being a boy in Northern Saskatchewan with ice on the inside walls and the kettle frozen on the stove each morning.  I've no reason to complain!  :)