Visiting "Gigi" - August 11-13

Sometime mid-summer, I'd learned my parents were Saskatchewan bound for a week - to visit my Grandma in Saskatoon to allow Mom's sister, Jean, a holiday without worrying about Grandma alone in her care home.  Knowing my parents were only 800 kilometres away, I couldn't resist heading over to see them.  S had to work that week, so the kids and I packed up the van and headed off into perfect weather.

Sunday was a long drive - took us almost ten hours with just four stops, though rather extended ones each time.  There was grumpiness on the way, but I'm afraid it was pretty much all mine!  The kids actually did fairly well.  They even let me stop to quickly check out author Margaret Laurence's home in the quaint town of Neepawa.

In return, they later made me stop to see the big bull in Russell, just before we crossed over into Saskatchewan.  I'm not so sure this was a fair exchange . . . 

We pulled into Auntie Jean's place, where Mom was staying, around 7:00 to discover she wasn't home!  Thankfully, the kids were keen to get out some of their energy bike riding around the cul-de-sac before Grandma arrived and we eventually crashed for the night.

My very stuffed van - full of camping gear and things to pass on for Mom & Dad to take back home

Monday morning we dawdled then spent the afternoon visiting my beautiful 95 year old Grandmother.  Struggling with dementia, she had quite a few moments where she was really present with us and enjoying the kids.

My three did fairly well containing their energy and trying to be sensitive to "Gigi" - especially as they were overtired.  But it's hard to prepare kids for the realities of a care home and seeing older people lying about in their rooms or groaning from wheelchairs in the hallway.  (Frankly, I'm not sure it's a sight any of us should be used to.  It still hits me that this isn't quite the way things should be . . . older people removed from the context of caring family members.  But, I know it's just the way things are as much as I don't like it).  

That night, Ai expressed how he'd experienced the afternoon:  "At first, I was scared in there.  But then I saw Gigi smile and I knew she liked me.  She's a nice person and its just her body that is old and looks scary.  She's not scary inside."  And I'd say her body doesn't look scary - in fact, I still find her to be so lovely.  But to a five year old, yes, it is "scary" what happens to bodies over time.  It's a thought most put off as best we can, trying not to imagine what age will do.  Sigh.

Grandma aged 7 or 8

My Mom was kind and took the kids for the rest of the afternoon so I could spend alone time and then dinner hour with Grandma.  I had a few ironic smiles through some of our conversations.

"Oh, Grandma.  Look at this lovely picture of you and Grandpa at your 50th wedding anniversary.  You two were married for a good long time."

"Did you know much about him?"  

"Not as much as you did!" (said playfully)

"Oh, that's too bad.  Because I don't know anything.  I don't even remember what he looks like."  Knowing how crazy that was, she laughed at her own comment.  

With Ede, Will, Wayne, Wendy and Paul  (no Jean or Melvin quite yet)

I bawled when I left for the night, sad to assure her that she wouldn't be alone - that the nice nurses would care for her.  Made me so thankful for Auntie Jean's faithfulness in visiting Grandma every day and was a reminder of how hard a burden it was for her, too.  Jean is a tender heart and parting with a confused, lonely Mom each night - oh, so much like leaving a confused, scared child in someone else's care.  :(

Grandma with one of her youngest babies?

To reward the kids, that evening Mom and I took them over to a playground and let them run loose before bed.

With Auntie Jean due back from her holiday, Mom and I packed up the van to join Dad at a campground in North Battleford (he'd gone ahead to get some time in with his sister).  We stopped to see Grandma once again.  She wasn't doing quite so well that Tuesday morning with the kids making her feel a little uneasy in their busy-ness.  She just felt confused all around.  

Most of the photos from the morning were taken, once again, by A.
I wasn't aware that she'd taken my camera, but I ended up so thankful that she did!

Sad to see her overwhelmed and teary-eyed, I pulled her close to me, held her hand and started to tell her stories of her life.  Soon, she was laughing and more herself.  

"Thank you, Ann.  I was feeling weepy, but you have made me feel so much better.  You're a good story teller, like your Dad.  I get so . . . so . . . so.  Oh, I can't even remember the words.  All my thoughts get mixed up in my head and I just can't sort them out.  It's hard."  And it is.  She switches between moments of clarity and moments of confusion, more often the latter when left alone.  And it made me wish things were so different.  A woman who has created wonderful memories for so many of us should have her end years surrounded with us, sharing back the memories of a life well-lived.  How we all wish it were so . . . 

With all of us in blue, we tried to get one decent photo with Gigi - to no avail!  She was a good sport, which has always been one of her traits among so many other good ones.

We said our good-byes before lunch, went to the nearby mall for ours and then went on our way to North Battleford.  Grandma treated the kids to a ride while there - first one they've had since they were . . . 2?  When Opa paid for one? :)

A little less impressed with the ride than her younger siblings. :)

Not wanting that to be the last time I might see Grandma, I couldn't resist one last pop-in while we passed through Saskatoon again Saturday late afternoon.  I rather regretted that I did, as without Mom to help, my very overtired children were a little hard to manage.  We happened to come when my youngest cousin, Colin, was just about to leave having spent the afternoon with Grandma.  By the time we arrived, she was weary.  We all stayed in the garden area with my kids and their two year old playing together.  That was nice, as I'd not met Colin's wife, Hannah, nor their two sweet children.

Cute Yoav

Five minutes later, Auntie Jean and cousin Jayme arrived, as well.  Poor Grandma was relieved to see her - a face she at last recognized as I think with all the kids, Grandma had lost track of who we were.   Not to mention she was likely sweltering, bundled in sweaters and an afghan on a very hot day.  I'd been too busy with the kids to notice!

It was good to unexpectedly see my other family members.  But too soon, we said our goodbyes to Grandma, aware that this visit, she didn't really know who we were.  And while we long for Grandma to be intact for her own well-being, all we can do at this point is give thanks that we know who she is.  

What a blessing to hold again the hand of a woman who has held me and so many others up in prayer, supported us with encouragement, surrounded us with laughter and made us each feel like we were more important than any one else in the moments spent together.  I'm not sure how she managed to make each of her twenty-three grandchildren feel like they were her favourite one, but I think she did!  She's always been a gem and truly, she still is.